What do People Mean when they say "I Don't Like Kids"?
How can we explain this common (jerky) internet behavior??
One thing people say a lot online is “I don’t like kids.”
People are always dropping this info casually and expecting other people to A. care B. find that sympathetic or interesting. Which is honestly baffling. Further proof we didn’t even need that the internet is The Bad Place.
Who finds this interesting or endearing? You don’t like people who still have a sparkle in their eyes and just run around giggling and being silly? The people you don’t like are the little ones who love to eat spaghetti and get it all over their faces and whose whole mission in life is to have fun?
My gut reaction is “I sorta don’t like those people.” I guess, online, I would say “I don’t like adults.”
This kind of adult in particular, the kind who sits around online and declares “I don’t like kids,” is especially not my favorite, since we’re putting our preference for people type out there. The kind of adult who feels really outraged that a kid like interrupted their mimosa brunch one time (the nerve!).
Who is sitting around wishing we had more of this type of person in the world? Dunking on people that by sheer random chance, were born after them. Oof.
THIS is what I find so tiresome about adults, this little online routine is a perfect example. Oh groan, yes so painful to get away from adult discussions of taxes and money and politics and idk have to think about dinosaurs or bugs or one of the 9,000-times more pleasant and interesting things, when you think about, that kids are preoccupied with. Have you ever really thought about Pokemon? I’d like to see someone make a serious argument that this is less worthwhile than the million trivial things adults are preoccupied with, from “brat summer” to cryptocurrency.
Children are just… people. People who — in some cases anyway — haven’t had their pure human joy beaten out of them yet. Are still able to relate to people in a way that isn’t all about status and money. If you ask me, some adults need a child-driven intervention, especially the very online ones.
These “I don’t like kids” people are the same people would have a field day yelling at you online if you went around saying “I don’t like old people.” Do you see how stupid/assholic that sounds? It’s misanthropic.
Childhood is just a stage of life.
So what are people trying to say when they say: “I don’t like kids?”
I think two things:
#1. uncharitable interpretation: Look how cosmopolitan I am! This, I find really annoying.
Good grief, we get it! You’re above all that, caring for other human beings in a vulnerable state. Do you really expect an applause line for that?
Maybe there’s even a class aspect to all this. I have kids so I’m constantly around kids. But I’m also objectively WAY poorer than I would be if I didn’t have kids. I spend WAY more time doing domestic and caregiving labor, unpaid. Which makes me less status-y as an acquaintance, maybe? Another uncharitable interpretation of what people are doing when they proudly announce: I don’t like kids. Positioning themselves in contrast to the (poorer, tired-er) people who are who do. This makes me stabby.
#2. More charitable: I’m just not real comfortable around kids, don’t know a lot of them, don’t have them. That is part of my identity.
This, on the other hand, is fine! You really don’t have to position yourself against children — like a literal cartoon movie villain — or something rhetorically. “I’m not a big kid person.” Sure, fine whatever.
Because of how atomized everyone is now, spread out families are, how some bougie urban neighborhoods have become basically childless, that is more and more normal.
My daughter — it sounds like I made this up but I swear it’s true — came down while I was writing this and read the “I don’t like kids” and was questioning me about it. At first she thought it was my opinion and was kind of confused and a little upset. I explained it was about people who don’t like kids.
She’s a total sweetheart in all honestly. Heart of gold. Better person than me (who gets all snarky). And she said “maybe they just don’t feel comfortable around kids.” (Look at how sweetly people relate to each other without the cold hand of algorithms and years of accumulated trauma warping their views.)
What I think is, maybe you wouldn’t want to spend a day inside a school, with screaming kids. It’s a lot even for me, someone who really likes kids. Still. I know kids where if you didn’t “like” them personally, there is seriously something wrong with you. There was a kid on my basketball team, a little girl, who had the chubbiest little cheeks and a perma-smile. Her face was just constantly a sweet cheeky smile. She didn’t even say very much. Just went around beaming. But she was kinda tall. So occasionally she would post up and just deliver a clutch rebound.
This beaming gentle, but kinda big, little girl out there scooping up rebounds, it’s the anecdote to me to all the trash out there right now. The bad behavior online. I think everyone could benefit from having a tiny dose of that at least in their life.